This weekend we laid to rest the matriarch of our family. I had the honor of giving her eulogy. For our family and friends who may have missed it, or for those wanted another peak, you can find it below.
“Hi everyone, I’m Maria. I just wanted to start by giving my family a huge thank you for allowing me the honor of giving this speech. There is not one person in here who Nona wasn’t special to, and I am truly touched to be in front of you today.
One of my favorite things Nona would say whenever something would happen was, “What do you expect!? I’m old!” We would follow up with, “No Nona, you’re in your prime!” She’d come back with her chin up and say, “You know… I know two languages. When we talk, I have to think back and forth between Italian and English.” Then she’d point her finger in my face and say, “None of you know how to do that!” and turn to walk away with her head held high and a smirk on her face, inevitably to force food down our stomachs.
We are here together comforting each other’s grief of losing the most magnificent woman to have touched all of our lives. There was no one like her, and there will never be a day that we will stop wanting more of her. That’s what makes this so hard. But, my friends and family, that’s where our sadness ends- with ourselves. Because Nona did not miss a thing. There is no denying that her pride was rightfully felt, because she lived ENTIRELY the way that she wanted to. I invite you to reflect on this time as a grand celebration of a cherished life.
Nona’s life, every aspect of it, abounded in grace. She was the type of person that you looked at, and she, in her entirety, reflected something worth emulating: her taste was impeccable, her heart was made of gold, and everything she touched found a way to work. Nona’s garden always flourished, and she could keep a vase of flowers alive for weeks. Nona loved to sew, and she used to patch up our clothes regularly. Actually, there is a picture floating around from when she was about 16 years old. The dress she’s wearing in it, Nona had made herself. When we were little, Nona even used to make little sleeping bags for our beanie babies and dolls. Her nurturing and steady hands graced everything in their path. She would take us on walks, and make little nests for hurt birds. Nona was strong, too. If you needed a can of pickles open, she was your gal. On top of that, what other grandmother would shoot hoops with us in the backyard?
The woman could do no wrong, especially in the kitchen. She could even use her bare hands to take food out of the oven without burning herself. Nona would grab the edges with her fingertips and say, “You just have to put it down real quick!” Her sugo and meatballs outdid any restaurant, and she could turn the contents of her fridge into a full course meal without breaking a sweat. Her camelle and panettone never lasted long, as we all knew to gobble up the hot commodity before someone else came through (but we all also knew she stashed some in the freezer, just in case). If you have been to her house on a holiday, you know that’s when Nona really thrived. She and Papa made more food than you could ever dream of eating. The turkey, ham, or steak were always accompanied by a full spaghetti dinner, with homemade noodles, of course. Beer battered shrimp, potatoes, chicken soup, the green beans and mushrooms… there wasn’t an empty dish. I hear she even used to make her own Italian sausage. The food that flooded the table exemplified the love and care she had for every single member of her family. Complete with grace said in Italian, we all sat at Nona’s table and knew that she would fill our bellies and our hearts.
The cool thing, is that Nona never really wrote down her recipes. She went by taste and instinct, and if you have eaten at her table, you know that her instincts spanned more than just food. Her wisdom was full of goodness and humility, and the best part was that she actually listened to everything you had to say. I mean… she really LISTENED. She absolutely internalized everything we’d put on her. The woman’s memory was a vault. For having almost 30 people in her immediate family, and an insurmountable amount of extended family and friends, she could keep up. It didn’t matter if the subject was family, friends, school, or otherwise. Nona’s wisdom was vast. She used to tell me, “Nothing I did in my life was ever easy. I came to another country, on a boat, by myself. My mom was mad at me for staying. You can’t just be sad. You can’t sit around and wait for someone else to make you happy. You have to find a way to do it yourself.” The way Nona said it… she looked you deep in the eyes and you KNEW she was right. Breakup with a boyfriend? She’d whip up some meatballs and tell you all the reasons he was crazy. She would look at you and say, “You’re an Iaquaniello. You. Are. SOMEBODY.” Nona had a way of making you feel worthy, even in shortcomings. That ease of comfort allowed Nona’s house to be a safe haven for all who passed by. She listened, gave the best advice, and her couch was always available for a nap. There was no such thing as overstaying your welcome. It didn’t matter if you came to sleep, stay for dinner, or just pop in for a quick hello. She was genuinely happy just to spend time with you.
Now, Nona loved shopping. Papa would take her around, and then Aunt Elaine, to all of her favorite stores: Macys, Talbots, Bed Bath and Beyond, that shoe store down in Monroe… It didn’t matter if it was for the house or something to wear, she loved to keep up with style. Actually, when Nona used to work, she was on the assembly line sewing fabric together for the seats of cars, and a seamstress for Hudson’s. She proudly paid for the kitchen table in hers and Papa’s first house with her own money. Have you seen the little crystal figurines around their home, too? That’s another way she would treat herself with her paycheck. Over the years, she got a kick out of looking through our own shopping hauls. Rachel, Alyssa, and I would drag our bags over to her house, spread everything out on the table, and take turns talking about the deals we got. We always wanted to see what she thought, but more than that, there was a part of us that wanted to show her we could keep up with her a little bit. Nona’s own closet was very classy. She had her favorite suits, and she loved to wear a pretty dress or skirt, topped with a colorful scarf. If you look back through photos, you will see that Nona was glamorous. She stood with class and poise. That’s where the lessons never ended— she was always teaching us something even when she didn’t mean to. That woman never had to compete with anyone. She may have loved to shop, but it wasn’t the clothes that you saw first when you looked at her, and it wasn’t all of the pretty things that filled up her home. It was the inviting smile and the sparkle in her eye that accompanied the deep soundness of her own confidence. Nona did not live her life in a race. She was a woman of magic because of the grace she wore in her heart.
As if that resume wasn’t enough to keep her busy, Nona had 12 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren. She absolutely lived for the people in her life, and that woman had the energy to be everywhere. She and Papa came to mine, Rachel, and Joey’s sporting events all over the midwest. When Rachel spent time overseas, Nona and Papa were elated. They gave her a few cherished sights to see, like Lourdes, France. Nona was the first person to tell you to follow your dreams. If you loved something and worked hard, you couldn’t go wrong. Nona was also the only one with enough patience to count out EXACTLY 20 ravioli, per the request of my brother Joey, when he asked for a snack. You could, more than likely, find him asleep on Nona’s couch, escaping homework. In recent years, Nona would spend summer vacation with the Hardings in Florida. They always, always celebrated special occasions with her. Nona was so proud of Alyssa’s ambition and intelligence, boasting about her clients and promotions, and Nona was Mike and Nick’s biggest hockey fans. You will see newspaper clippings of Ellayna on the photo board at her house, and Nona was so excited that she is becoming a nurse. Nona loved that Lily followed in her sister’s footsteps, attending Oakland University, and she was so excited to keep up with what Grace wanted to study in school. Nona loved to attend Andrew’s sporting events, and she and Papa would come home telling us about a play he made. Nona never missed a play or a band performance for Isabella and Giana, and you can bet she got a kick out of the clothes Isabella had been designing. Nona kept a bowl of chocolate waiting for my daughters, Acilia and Elliana, in the exact same spot every time they walked in her house. I’d tell her that too much chocolate would upset their stomachs, so she’d say, “Okay! Here’s a butter cookie instead!” There is no other 85 year old that I know who would crawl around under the tables, rawr from behind a curtain, and let a pair of toddlers play with every single breakable figurine in her home. Nona was known to take Acilia out of timeouts, because she didn’t want her to be upset in her house. That was the kind of authority that only Nona had, and after all, it’s not the first time she broke the rules. When we lived next door, Nona would talk to Rachel and I from her from her kitchen window to our bedroom window. We were supposed to be sleeping, but Nona played by her own rules.
The blessings of grandchildren came from her four children, accompanied by two sons-in-law and two daughters-in-law. Linda cherished her relationship with her mom. She stopped over regularly to visit with the girls, take Nona grocery shopping, and drop off a thoughtful book or magazine. Linda even took the time to teach herself Italian some years back. Bill always made sure that Nona’s car and Papa’s truck was running properly, of course. Aunt Linda and Uncle Bill did not hesitate to jump at Nona’s needs, and they always brought the best homemade cheesecake and decorated little cookies to family parties. Elaine, and her late husband Jerry, were always the life of the party. We couldn’t wait for them to arrive at Nona’s house, whether it was a holiday or just a quick trip, because they filled the house with stories and laughter. Elaine kept Nona young- she always knew how to get Nona out of the house. They’d go run errands, go to dinner, get nails done, you name it. One thing I know we are all grateful for about Aunt Elaine, is that she was committed to keeping Nona happy. The two of them got to spend a few special months together this winter, and Nona had a pep back in her step that we had been missing for a long time.
It’s because of Nona that I learned what a treasure it is to have daughters, and what an honor it is to have sons. Mike and my dad, Joe, could do no wrong in her eyes. Mike and my dad’s football pictures have been hung up in her office since they played, and Nona and Papa did everything they could not to miss a game. Mike was absolutely a devoted son. Nona always relied on him to fix something around the house, and he would show up with a bag of groceries for her from the Italian store. She loved that Uncle Mike would park his truck in her driveway to catch up on work, and he and Aunt Jane always made sure Nona had a fresh flower basket and flag hung on Mother’s Day.
I’ve had a hard time finding the right words that do justice for the relationship my dad had with Nona. “My son, Joe” she would say, like there was any other Joe she talked about. She respected his judgement and character, above all else. My dad and mom wholeheartedly lived for, and in conjunction with, Nona and Papa. If my own parents weren’t answering their phones, I’d call Nona’s house, and they would be the ones to answer. They are the reason that I learned how to cherish a relationship with my in-laws. We lived next door to Nona and Papa for 13 years, and just down the road after that. My dad would wake up early to have coffee with Papa before work, in which they spent nearly the whole day together. And when they weren’t working, we were all together, at Nona’s house. There are not many women who could spend the majority of their lives with their mother-in-law, but again, Nona’s grace was boundless. She always said, “You love your sons, but you love their wives twice as much more.” For over thirty years, my mom treated that woman like her own mother. Thank you for all that you did, mom.
This family could not come to be without a very important person. When Nona came over to the United States, she actually left behind an Italian suitor who wanted her hand in marriage. She sent the ring back, and said he was mad as all get out! He wrote her letters calling her names, like he was some kind of big shot. We all know who had won this love story- Papa. Who also happened to be engaged at the time of their meeting. Nona and Papa actually met at Aunt Mary and Uncle Tony Marcone’s bridal shower. Papa said he walked in, and could NOT take his eyes off of her. Nona said she played hard to get for a little while— “You have to, when a nice looking man wants to get to know you,” she’d say. “You have to make sure he’s the good kind.” On their first date, I’m sure the photo is up somewhere, they attended a movie. The pair was engaged just some short months later and married within the year. She said their wedding guests took up two entire floors of the hall. Everyone wanted to be around them. If you thought either one was incredible on their own, they were unbelievable together.
Those two loved each other and absolutely LIVED for each other. Every sporting event, graduation, and get together, Nona and Papa walked in hand in hand. They did not miss a thing. Papa patiently took her shopping on the weekends, and he always complimented her. We joke that Papa spoiled Nona, but at the top of our family, those two exemplified what a holy honor it is to share your life in marriage. When you sat down with them, they spoke together. Their stories intertwined, and they knew everything about each other. Of course they had disagreements, we all know Nona was a little stubborn, and of course they had hardships. But, you would never know it. The care that they put into the every day moments fostered an untouchable and irrevocable joy that lives on throughout our family today. Nona and Papa were the happiest people you had ever met. A piece of Nona went with Papa when the time came, and I believe we can find comfort knowing that they are now exactly where they want to be- together.
In their lives, NEVER were they apart, unless it was a work day. Nona actually used to get mad, saying “I’m 76 years old. Why do I still have to wait for him to get home!?” Any other woman would rebel and make the man suffer, but not Nona. She always stepped up to the plate. I remember papa would tell me that he used to come home from work, and the house would be spotless, the kids taken care of, food was ready on the table… and Nona? She looked BEAUTIFUL with her hair done and a nice skirt on (which really makes me smile because we all know she hated the blue jean trend— “Blue/jeans!?” she’d say. Like each word was a separate entity that she could not fathom why anyone liked it). In all of her years, Nona did not miss a beat, and that is the kind of standard that only she, being the type of woman that she was, could pull off. Nona was the queen, after all: class, grace, and hard work.
Everyone here is a testament to the greatest gift that Nona and Papa could leave us— each other. The love and memories that this family shares is truly a rare joy. You don’t find this kind of thing just anywhere. We are the legacy that Nona and Papa built together, and their grace will continue to live on within each one of us.
To the only woman to close down Romana Construction on a workday- Salute, Nona.”
Maria Iaquaniello October 2, 1933 – July 30, 2019
