light, littles, + lavender.

I want to start off by saying that my heart is abounding in humble gratitude over the serene and empowering birth we had bringing Russell into the world. The births of each of my three kids were so different, although all apparent with the grace of God. However, my pregnancy with Russ was tested in so many ways, and it gave me a glimpse of bold, radical faith that I consciously carried over to his birth. Even so, I do not want it mistaken that it had anything to do with me- never have I felt more aware of the  Holy Spirit alive at work, replacing fear with faith, giving me sign after that sign that God is real and He is near.

PREPARATION

I spent the last nine months with thankfulness pouring out of my veins. It is a true wonder what prayer does for our souls when we strip away doubt and pride, and open our hearts to mercy and grace. I fell in love with prayer for the sheer fact that time and time again, we were left with no control- nothing but pure reliance on God and His plan.

He. Comes. Through. 

These are the prayers that I hold close to my heart. The cool thing, is that they led me to befriend a few of the saints- something I have never done, nor wanted to do, in the past. 

The Holy Rosary. Who better to invoke upon a season of motherhood than the Blessed Mother herself? I once read something about using the Rosary as a shield, and a friend told me a story about how much power one Hail Mary holds. I try to say the Rosary every day, but sometimes life takes over. If it’s not happening, or if I am feeling overwhelmed, I just pray:
“Mary, be a mother to me now.” 

Novena to Saint Rita. A patron saint of the impossible. It popped up in a devotional on the day and hour that I needed it. I’ve said this prayer in traditional novena form, over nine days. I’ve said nine of them in rush. I’ve said it one fervent time when in need. It doesn’t matter how it is said- just say it. 

Prayers to Saint Gerard. A patron saint of mothers. How cool is it to have such bountiful intersession on our behalf, mamas!? I feel really called to list them below, so here ya go:

This first prayer to St. Gerard is for Motherhood:

O good St Gerard, powerful intercessor before God and wonder worker of our day, confidently I call upon you and seek your aid. On Earth you always fulfilled God’s designs, help me now to do the holy will of God. Implore the Master of Life, from whom all paternity proceeds, to render me fruitful in offspring, that I may raise up children to God in this life, and in the world to come, heirs to the Kingdom of His Glory. Amen.

I actually didn’t start saying this prayer until we got home from the hospital. I had tunnel vision looking for a prayer to pray over myself for delivery, I actually scrolled right past it until I was forwarding the link to a friend!

The second is “A Prayer for Safe Delivery”:

O great Saint Gerard, beloved servant of Jesus Christ, perfect imitator of your meek and humble Savior, and devoted child of Mother of God, enkindle within my heart one spark of that heavenly fire of charity which glowed in your heart and made you an angel of love. O glorious Saint Gerard, because when falsely accused of crime, you did bear, like your Divine Master, without murmur or complaint, the calumnies of wicked men, you have been raised up by God as the patron and protector of expectant mothers. Preserve me from danger and from the excessive pains accompanying childbirth, and shield the child which I now carry, that it may see the light of day and receive the purifying and life-giving waters of baptism through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Forgiveness and Reparation. My mom actually sent this one to me early in 2019. This prayer hits me two-fold: one, because Jesus calls us to forgive and ask for forgiveness. Two, because 2019 was a hard year that could have carried over a lot of distrust and baggage if I chose to allow it. I did not want any stress on my shoulders hindering labor, and I wanted to start this new season of motherhood with a clean slate. The next step is sucking it up and making it to Confession. 

Prayer to St. Michael. Our battle cry. Any time I get scared, I call on Saint Michael’s protection + the Blessed Mother to wrap her mantle around us. Feeling called again to share the words, so here it is:

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

BIRTH AFFIRMATIONS

My birth plan was to have an unmedicated labor and delivery, so this time I wanted to have truth my heart and mind could grasp while in the trenches. With Acilia, I just gritted it out. When Elliana was born, I was a storm of emotion, and then she came so fast that it didn’t even matter. Labor and delivery is so mental- down to the very last drop. Not that it feels good, either. I started training myself to cling to my affirmations in the last few months leading up to Russell’s birth. I’ve also been learning about claiming everything in Jesus’ name with the authority of His precious Blood, so that felt powerful, too. 

THE BIRTH STORY

Russell was due Dec 6, but for some reason I had this looming feeling that he was going to come early, and it would start with my water breaking. The weekend right before Thanksgiving I felt like I was about to start my period: just gross hair, skin looking weird, sweaty, and hormones raging. I was hoping it was a sign! I had so many people telling me that they thought he would be a November baby, I had it in my head to be ready for him that last week of the month. 

Tuesday evening, the 26th, Drew made a joke at dinner- I just needed to wait to have the baby until after his hockey game the next day. Well… joke’s on you, DaDa. 

Wednesday morning, the 27th, around 3am I felt a *POP* in my belly that woke me up. Super different than a kick. I immediately started shaking because I knew it was my water- the pop reminded me of a balloon busting. I didn’t feel any water right away, but I got up to the bathroom, and when I laid back down, all of a sudden my shorts were soaked. I KNEW this was going to happen in the middle of the night with family nowhere in sight. I could have had my mom there the day before, and my membranes swept at the appointment, but I decided to let it happen on it’s own. 

I started having contractions, and I waited until 4:30 am to wake up Drew (just to make sure they stuck around- I’d been having false labor a few times before that!). My family is about four hours away, so my mom made the drive to snag the girls. While waiting for her, we got the girls to my neighbor’s house at 6 am (thankfully they all had the day off of school and everyone had a great time), got to the hospital at 6:30 am, and with how strong the contractions were.. I FOR SURE thought he’d be here by 10 am at the latest. Much to my dismay, the contractions stopped as soon as we got into triage. The nurses told me that third babies do that all the time! Since my water was broke, although not all the way, they let me stay and try to kick my body into transition. 

It was such a peaceful morning!! Drew and I had a mini date day at the hospital! We played cards, watched TV, and got a few good meals in us. I walked and bounced on the exercise ball, but honestly I was not trying that hard. We were having such a nice time together, alone for the first time in months, and I knew what would happen as soon as my water finished breaking.  

My contractions apparently were every 5 minutes, but I couldn’t feel them. I was so nervous for this labor, I am so thankful that the morning was so smooth and uneventful. It was the perfect way to settle my mind to prepare to meet our baby. At 3:11 pm I was about 6 cm dilated, so they finished breaking my water. I started to panic that this was really happening, so I got into the shower. The counter pressure to my back and white noise really calms me down. The contractions got real, but not unbearable, by only the grace of God. I was working through my birth affirmations with every contraction, and when each one finished I thought, “WOW. I can really do this again! Not bad yet!” 

Around 4:15 I felt like I was holding him in, but I was still only 7cm dilated. Over the next hour, the contractions got pretty extreme, but it was SO EMPOWERING. I felt so in control- breathing the baby down and getting through one contraction at a time! They were excruciating, but I felt like I was owning them. Before Acilia was born, my eye doctor actually gave me the tip to inhale as deep as I can as the contraction climbed, and exhale long and slow as it finished. Best advice I’ve ever gotten. Inhaling takes the pressure off of the pelvis because it pulls everything up. Exhaling hurts down there, but it helps the baby get to where it needs to be to come out. Plus, the breathing routine helped me stay focused as something I could control. 

Drew was awesome support, making jokes and playing me music. The nurses kept making comments about how well we played off of each other, and that really meant a lot to me- that other people could see how our relationship has come together after all this time. He, along with our nurse and midwife, helped keep the room so focused, but joyful and calm. We were absolutely THRILLED with the care we received. Our nurse and midwife were totally on board with whatever I felt comfortable and called to do, but they also had control over the atmosphere that proved to be a necessity to my own safety and demeanor.

 I found the best position to be in was on my hands and knees over the back of the bed, just swaying to the music. About an hour later I was ready to push, and he was born at 5:13 pm! If you’re prepping for birth, hands and knees is where it’s at- I’ve found it best allows my hips to spread properly and gravity to take it’s course. I really only had one hard hour before pushing- that part felt more painful than I remember with the girls, but turns out that he was my biggest baby! 

8lbs 4 oz 21.5 in long, and 9 days early! Welcome to the world, Russell Joseph Nowak. We love you more than we could have imagined.